By Chelsea Reed-Lahey, M.A., LPC Associate
Introduction
At Love and Intimacy By Erin, we believe mental health and relational health are deeply interconnected. One of our LPC Associates, Chelsea Reed-Lahey, wrote this powerful article about her personal experience with caregiving and the broader crisis facing millions of families. While her story focuses on the hidden burdens of caregiving, it also speaks to the emotional strain that impacts family relationships, intimacy, and personal well-being.
Never in a million years did I realize how coming from a lower-middle class family would affect the quality of care my grandmother received in her final months.
My beautiful grandmother passed away in July from complications of diverticulitis. The only procedure that could have saved her was considered too invasive for her age and the fragile state of her body. From February to July, she grew weaker each day and with frequent hospital stays, she required around-the-clock care.
My mom became her primary caregiver, cooking, cleaning, bathing, administering medications, checking vitals, and changing diapers. As the oldest grandchild, I stepped in to help, but even together it was overwhelming. Grandma had very little strength, so every moment meant lifting her as if she were dead weight, adjusting her in the medical bed, rolling her from side to side.
The toll was crushing on every level. Emotionally, I struggled to watch the woman who raised me lose her independence. Physically, the labor was exhausting and relentless. Mentally, the weight of responsibility and helplessness tore me apart.
The last month, we did have hospice, but they only came twice a week. The visit entailed a very quick sponge bath, clothes change, and a bed sheet change. It felt like the help was a slap in the face.
Unfortunately, what my family went through is not unique. Across the United States, millions of caregivers, often family members on fixed incomes, find themselves in a similar position, providing 24/7 care with little support and even less recognition. There is no escape, no breaks, and no “going home.” This is the unfortunate reality of elder care in the United States.
This article shines a light on the hidden mental, emotional, and financial toll placed on caregivers, the systematic gaps that leave families unsupported, and the urgent reforms needed to protect the well-being of those who provide care in silence.
The Hidden Burden
In 2025, nearly 63 million Americans, about one in four adults, are family caregivers providing continual care for older adults, loved ones with serious illnesses, or individuals with disabilities (AARP, 2025). Even more alarming, according to the latest joint report from the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP, 45% of family caregivers described themselves as being in a “high intensity” caregiving situation (2025).
Unless you have walked in the informal caregivers’ shoes, it is nearly impossible to understand the full weight of that responsibility. The burden is relentless, the depression can be dangerous, and the isolation is alarming. Without adequate support, caregivers are left carrying an emotional and physical load that becomes a ticking time bomb—not only for the family members receiving the care, but also for the caregivers’ own well-being.
“Caregiving is not just emotionally draining, it can become a full-time job without pay, recognition, or escape.”
The emotional toll on caregivers is immense: they provide essential, unpaid labor while concurrently facing burnout, stress, and isolation, mostly with little to no support for their own mental health. Almost every senior in the United States lives on a fixed income, such as Social Security or a retirement fund. This financial constraint often creates a significant burden for their caregivers. Nearly one in three caregiver households earns less than $50,000 a year (National Alliance for Caregiving, 2025).
As a result, many families accumulate debt, struggle to afford necessities, fall behind on bills, and deplete their savings. The mental health impacts on caregivers are inevitable. The amount of stress that comes with caretaking for a family member is indescribable. Caretaking coincides with depression and distress. The stress, anxiety, and depression align with the caregiver’s perception of the suffering of their loved ones (Schultz, 2025).
Toll on Mental Health
Caregiving is inherently stressful, with profound emotional consequences. An umbrella review by Soh et al. (2025) found approximately 33% of caregivers experience depression, 35% experience anxiety, and nearly 49% experience burnout, highlighting the widespread mental health challenges faced by informal caregivers.
Emotional strain often translates into physical effects, including sleep deprivation, fatigue, and heightened risk for chronic illnesses. The constant demands leave little time for self-care or mental health support.
One of the most crushing aspects of caregiving is isolation. Caregiving is a full-time job. Often caregivers withdraw from family, friends, and hobbies. According to the National Alliance for Caregiving (2025), nearly 40% of caregivers reported feeling socially isolated. Of those who are isolated, many have significantly higher rates of depression and anxiety.
It’s not just being “lonely” it’s feeling invisible, forgotten, and left to do the impossible alone.
Gaps in Support Systems
Despite their critical role, caregivers often lack adequate support. Access to respite care or in-home aides is limited, and insurance coverage rarely addresses caregiving needs. Barriers such as supply cost, transportation, stigma, and lack of time make it difficult for caregivers to seek mental health services.
In my family’s situation, my grandmother had Medicare as her primary insurance and United Healthcare as her secondary insurance. Most supplies, like diapers, wipes, creams, under pads, specialty drinks, and medications, were not covered under insurance or hospice.
In a recent interview with NPR, caregiver reporter Kat McGowan has spoken to multiple caregivers who all report the same issue: family caregivers want to do the job, they just want to do it with training, help, and support (2025). However, there is no system that provides it.
Lack of Training and Knowledge
Another critical, but often overlooked, piece of this puzzle is the knowledge gap caregivers face when a loved one is discharged from the hospital. Every time my grandmother came home with new medical equipment, it was never explained to us how to use or maintain it.
Research shows that more than half of caregivers feel unprepared to handle medical tasks such as wound care, medication dosing, or mobility assistance after a hospital discharge (Topham et al., 2022). This lack of training contributes to preventable mistakes, infections, and unnecessary hospital re-admissions.
What Needs to Change
To adapt to modern family structures, structural changes must occur in policy, community awareness, and workplace culture.
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Policy reforms: expand caregiver support programs, streamline applications, and provide caregiver stipends or tax credits.
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Public awareness: reduce stigma and encourage caregivers to seek support.
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Workplace adaptations: flexible schedules, caregiver resource groups, and remote work options.
Where Caregivers Can Turn for Help
Community-based solutions can also help bridge the gap. Local nonprofits, religious institutions, and telehealth platforms can expand access to respite programs, meal support, and caregiver networks.
By recognizing nontraditional caregivers as essential, investing in their well-being, and creating policies that meet modern family structures, society can reduce burnout, improve outcomes for care recipients, and honor the hidden workforce of family caregivers.
Conclusion from Chelsea Reed-Lahey
With everything my family has been through this last year, it is inevitable that change needs to happen. Home health and hospice isn’t enough. We waited 4 hours for help the day my grandmother passed. She was in pain and there was nothing more we could do without help from hospice.
This is a serious issue. While it might be too late for my grandma, maybe this article will bring light to this unseen issue and help other people that find themselves in a similar situation.
Erin’s Note: Why This Matters for Mental & Relational Health
Caregiving stress doesn’t stop at the caregiver, it affects families, marriages, intimacy, and relationships. Many caregivers find that the emotional toll creates distance with loved ones or strains their ability to nurture healthy connections. At Love and Intimacy By Erin, we help caregivers and their families process grief, stress, and relational challenges so they can find balance, resilience, and connection again.
📌 If you are a caregiver feeling the toll on your mental health or relationships, we invite you to book a session with our team.
