What is helpful and supportive?
- Being helpful, caring, and understanding during difficult times.
- Asking what is needed to offer the right kind of support.
- Respecting needs for privacy if requested.
What is intrusive/violation of boundaries?
- Offering advice when it was not requested.
- Going to someone’s home uninvited.
- Taking sides in a relationship conflict and butting in.
- Going through personal property.
- Stalking on social media.
- Gossiping.
- Not respecting financial boundaries.
Examples/types of boundaries (friends/family)
- Physical or Personal Space: Avoiding unwanted touching or messing with personal belongings.
- Emotional: Refraining from saying things that are disrespectful, sensitive, or inappropriate.
- Financial: Not asking for money or disregarding property boundaries.
What are their needs when they engage in these intrusive behaviors?
Usually, the other person is not trying to be malicious or harmful. Many times, they genuinely want to help or feel needed. However, sometimes they may unintentionally make the situation about themselves.
In some cases, others may intentionally try to sabotage the relationship due to their own insecurities or deeper personal issues, including personality disorders.
Ways to assertively set boundaries, and still be sensitive to feelings
- Have a clear list of ways you want people to be helpful and communicate those needs.
- Define specific things that are designated for privacy and make them known.
- Keep relationship matters off social media and ask others to respect your wishes.
When you have to cut off the relationship
Putting a pause on the relationship may be necessary. Give the person a chance to gain insight. If they are unable to do so, consider distancing yourself.
